day 1,
there’s something about hospital lights and how they make everything seem traslucent and unreal and i swear i don’t remember anything, but the feeling of unreality. you can’t be gone. no. things like that don’t really happen. not in real life anyway.
day 3,
i should have bought that black dress we saw when we we went to the pier. the one i have is too sexy. and you’re not around to tell me - there’s no such thing.
day 4,
i hate funerals. you’re not here to hold my hand. why did they close the casket? i wish i could see your face.
day 7,
my mother tells me i should eat something.
day 8,
is alcohol food?
day 11,
i haven’t slept in three days. i don’t want to ruin the smell of our bed. it still smells like you. like us.
day 14,
my mother washed the sheets while i was asleep on the couch. i kicked her out. i miss you. no, i don’t want to call her. yes, i will.
day 15,
the guy at the coffee shop asked me where you were today. i said you were on a trip, coming back in a week. it didn’t feel like a lie.
day 21,
our lease is almost up. i don’t know what to do. i can’t think.
day 22,
i’m keeping the apartment.
day 23,
i’m moving out.
day 24,
i can’t move out. it’s our apartment.
day 28,
i extended the lease. no name on it. it feels wrong. all of this feels wrong. come back.
day 30,
it’s been a month. i called your mother. she cried. your dad said to stop calling for a while.
day 35,
your parents want your things back.
day 36,
i can’t bring myself to empty your side of the closet.
day 37,
your shirts still smell like you.
day 38,
my therapist said to stop texting you. apparently it’s bad for me. i told her you dying was pretty crappy. she didn’t think it was funny. maybe i’m losing it.
day 58,
i still miss you every day.
day 65,
500 days of summer came out. i don’t want to watch it without you.
day 80,
i watched it. you would have hated it.
day 100,
i hate christmas.
day 101,
i’m hungover. i miss you. i can’t stop crying. my head hurts.
day 150,
i met someone. i hate that i like him. i hate that he makes me laugh. i hate that you’d think he’s a great guy.
day 170,
we had sex. i cried after.
day 200,
he found a photo of us. said it’s about time i move on. we broke up.
day 201,
i still miss you. i don’t miss him. but you’re not here.
day 270,
i got a haircut. i hate it. i look like a chipmunk.
day 271,
maybe it’s not that bad. it works from some angles.
day 302,
happy anniversary baby.
day 303,
i’m a mess. i hate you for leaving me like this.
day 304,
i don’t hate you. i’m sorry. i love you. i miss you.
day 350,
i quit. i hated that place anyway.
day 357,
i asked for my job back. it wasn’t so bad.
day 365,
i spent the whole day on your bench. now i understand why families make them.
day 370,
i’m moving out.
day 371,
i’m moving in with him. i’m sorry.
day 463,
i still miss you, but sometimes i forget.
day 500,
i’m engaged.

number disconnected

” — m.v., 500 days of grief.  (via traceeyxo)

“..pero mas pipiliin ko paring mahalin ka ng paulit-ulit.” — (via payakap)

“If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.” — Unknown (via stevenbong)

“If someone really loves you, no matter how many other people they meet, their feelings for you wouldn’t change. A real lover can’t be stolen.” — Unknown (via stevenbong)

“Most people think things are not real unless they are spoken, that it’s the uttering of something, not the thinking of it, that legitimizes it. I suppose this is why people always want other people to say “I love you.” I think just the opposite - that thoughts are realest when thought, that expressing them distorts or dilutes them, that it is best for them to stay in the dark climate-controlled airport chapel of your mind, that if they’re released into the air and light they will be affected in a way that alters them, like film accidentally exposed.” — Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You (via ding-ang-bato)

“And if there’s one thing in this world I’ve ever known for sure, it’s that this girl is gonna crush me like a small bug, leave me so fucking broken there’ll be body bags beneath my eyes from nights I cried so hard the stars died. But I’m like, go ahead. I’m all yours. I would kiss you in the middle of the ocean during a lightning storm, cause I’d rather be left for dead than left to wonder what thunder sounds like.” —  Andrea Gibson (via ding-ang-bato)

illicitwords:

“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.”

— Simon Van Booy

“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.” — Charles Bukowski  (via ding-ang-bato)

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally (via ding-ang-bato)

#him 

“The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.” — Unknown (via ding-ang-bato)

buhaybabae:

You are the exact opposite of what I wanted but here I am wanting you more than anything.

“Call me at 4 am, and tell me it’s because you want to hear my voice.” — (via acceptvnce)

“Date someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re cute or funny. I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write. Someone who wants hear every note of your favourite song, and watch every scene of your favourite movie. Someone wants to find every scar upon your body, and learn where each one came from. Someone who wants to know your favourite brand of toothpaste, and which quotes resonate deep inside your bones when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Find the person who wants to learn every aspect of who you are, and hold onto them.” — Anonymous (via noopface)